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| Picture from Google Image. |
The story begin this year 2018. I can said 2018 really change my entire life totally. How you describe love? What is love to you? For me, when you accept everything about he/she, you care about he/she, you feel worried when he/she do something wrong, dangerous, and when you can accept all bad and good about he/she that is love. You can love your family (of course), friends and to her / him .
I can said he is my first love but everything not going like what I had plan before. 5-6 years involved in relationship is not a trophy for you to be with that person till the rest of your life. Yes we start 'meet each other at Facebook'actually, ( orang kata cinta muka buku) 😅 then we start see each other face to face maybe few weeks or months after change phone number.
I can said I learn a lot of things from him especially something related to life. Being independent, do not put hope on people, do not wait on people and etc. Then our love story start until we enter the same uni (UiTM Segamat). I don't want to share too deep, (for those who know me know the rest of history).
Me myself is someone is hard to say NO to something or someone. For example, during our long long relationship it is hard for me to say No to this relationship. Swear to Allah that is me. Most of the time when we had serious fight or big fight he will said ' Okay Kita Break' And every time when he said those word, i felt like my world is gone, what will happen to me when I am single, what people will said to me about him, EVERYTHING just poop up in my mind that time. When i felt scared straight ASAP i will apologize, try to win his heart 💓 I will do everything to not end this relationship. I will put down my ego until the ground and just listen whatever he said to me, scold me even said 'those' word to me. As a woman yes I have to do something but because of love no I just don't want to end the relationship only.
Year by year, when he always said those word I started to feel 'tawar hati' , 'kosong' and etc. I can said during our relatioship, you can count by finger how many times I'm with my phone play Whatsapp, Text message or talked to the phone. He's someone that don't like this kind of things. When he felt want to contact anytime can contact or when missed me that anytime can contact me. This is one of the TOP point why we always fight. Yes you can said I am clingy or whatsoever but I just need his attention. Can you imagine, tired from class, meeting, assignment and in your mind you only what him / her just to share your story but that things is not happen to me. Every time i called, must be in wrong timing. Either, play games (DOTA) with friends, fishing or do his homework or assignment. The things is, every time I called him on different timing ! You want me to expect or do graph isn't about your activity?? Logic, before you sleep you will look at your phone to see FaceBook (obviously), but you cannot call me or message to ask about me????
Yes this kind of attitude and situation really teach me to be more and more independent woman. One day he said ' do not become too independent because when be that one you will gone'So yes when I become too independent I didn't focus on him at all, I just enjoy my life at KL that time because started internship and first job there. I think I give him some clue something when meet him during Ramadhan last year or last two year. I said 'I felt awkward when meet you'
One day he said again that word to me and I think this is too much, for this long relationship you still easily said those word and what will happen when we married later? Easily lafaz talak?? BIG NO . Few days later he called me and try to get back, at first I said give me time and after few weeks if I'm not mistaken, when he called me i said 'it is better for us to become friend only' He try to fixed but my heart said it is enough. No more .
Yes, my mother especially very shock about this news because his mother and my mother friends since they working at the same place long time before. I said just let me with this decision. Do not asked why or what. It is me who faced this situation.
To ladies out there, when you fall in love with someone, please stay with your own principle and when please remember people, COMMUNICATION is very important. Some people do not believe include him and see what happen. Okay fell a bit okay after write about this, when you plan something always remember, pray to God and learn to accept Qada and Qadar Allah .
If you guys read this post, thank you so much feel free to read about my personal share. Till we meet again in good content in future. InshaAllah
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